3 Things To Do When You Have A Disagreement With Your Partner
It’s likely that you and your partner have been having disagreements since day one. Even during the honeymoon stage of dating, differences and discord come up as you try to get to know one another and develop your budding relationship. As time passes, disagreements take on different forms. They can be about finances, children, in-laws, career, household duties—the list goes on and on.
Many couples go through bouts of disagreement where they seem to be arguing more frequently—and more intensely—than ever before for an extended period of time. It’s safe to say that most couples go through this sort of rough patch at some point and even repeatedly throughout their relationship, that is if they are able to surpass the difficult times. Sadly, some couples don’t make it through and end up cutting ties. However, these rough patches can be targeted, prevented, and serve as excellent opportunities to strengthen the relationship. More often than not, conflict escalates because couples don’t know how to disagree. Mainly, communication is the culprit. For the couples who make it through the challenges and pitfalls in their relationship, disagreements can still inflict much stress on each partner individually and on the relationship.
There are three universal “things to do” that can work wonders during isolated disagreements or those periods where not getting along seems to be the norm. We’ll discuss these three methods below.
1) Talk about it right away…or don’t. It is an artform to know when it’s a good time to communicate and talk with your partner about the conflict at hand versus when it’s better to take a break and address the issue later. Choosing one of these options over the other can mean resolution or escalation of the issue. If you want to talk but your partner doesn’t, have patience and understand that some people need space and time before they can get their thoughts together. In other cases, addressing things in the moment is most effective so there are no hard feelings or misunderstandings. Use your judgment and consideration. Your intuition won’t steer you in the wrong direction, but impulsivity or impatience will.
2) Show empathy. Empathy doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you lose an argument or that you’re giving your partner the upper hand. And, it certainly does not make you a doormat. It takes strength to be kind and understanding when you’re at the brink of losing all patience with your partner. Even at the height of a disagreement—and even if you’re struggling with understanding where your partner is coming from—always put yourself in his or her shoes.
3) Take genuine responsibility. Even if you believe it’s not your fault, take responsibility for your role—even if your role was getting upset with your partner over whatever they did. The saying, “It takes two to tango” applies most of the time when it comes to disagreements between couples. There may be the more “passive player” in a conflict—the one who tends to fly under the radar of accountability—but both of you are involved and responsible, so accept your contribution to the issue.
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