As you contemplate your identity — about what is left of you after your involvement in various relationships throughout your life — you might ask yourself several questions.

Who am I anymore?

What have I become?

What am I doing with my life?

Why do I stay stuck in a toxic situation, in caregiving roles, and in one-sided relationships with others?

As you think back on your life and on all of your past relationships, you realize that you have thrown yourself into the roles of partner, dutiful daughter/son, nurturing parent, loyal friend, and responsible employee, among many, many others. There have been so many that maybe you have lost track by now. It’s a way of life you’re accustomed to.

You have acted and fulfilled these duties for so long that you’ve lost sight of who you are. You have put your life on hold while helping others live theirs. You have put your needs second to the extent that you now feel a deep sense of guilt any time you indulge yourself a little or devote time to any self-care activities. You don’t feel whole unless you have the approval of those around you. You don’t feel like a good person unless you’re sacrificing for someone else.

You might feel a temporary sense of satisfaction when you’re there for someone else, when you lend your devoted helping hand, or when you solve issues or problems for others. Feeling needed feels good — sometimes. However, the emptiness, frustration, guilt, and resentment surfaces constantly. You feel fulfilled followed by feeling empty, and this cycle has repeated itself throughout most of your adult life (maybe even earlier). Not to mention, you are practically always in a state of stress, always stretching yourself out too thin. Going the extra mile is your forte, but no matter what you say or do, you feel criticized — either by others who take, take, take, but are never satisfied — or maybe you also put yourself down incessantly. There is an underlying perfectionism that never allows you to see yourself and your accomplishments and feel satisfied. There’s always something you feel could have been done better.

In your relationships, you believe nothing you do is good enough.

You do so much that you feel exhausted and burned out most of the time with no energy at the end of the day to give yourself some me time — some self-care. Despite your emotional and physical depletion, you find it hard to say “no” to anyone, so you keep going and the cycle continues. You worry that if you say “no,” others will be mad or disappointed in you. Maybe they won’t like you anymore. You feel a bit foolish for thinking that maybe they will replace you if you don’t satisfy them and keep them happy. If you say “yes,” they will see your worth, your devotion, your love, and your sacrifice. But, you go to bed, night after night, feeling empty. Shouldn’t your caregiving, people-pleasing attitude and lifestyle keep you happy and fulfilled? Shouldn’t it keep you surrounded by those you love and who love you in return? Shouldn’t maintaining this service-to-others-at-the-expense-of-yourself mentality keep you safe from loneliness?

You often find that happiness, fulfillment, love, and companionship are still things you want to enjoy — but are the very things that you continue to lack.

At what point will you tell yourself that enough is enough?!

That feeling of emptiness, that void you feel, is because you have been betraying yourself.

Yes, neglecting yourself for the sake of tending to the needs of others is a form of unknowingly harming yourself — emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

There seems to be a lack healthy boundaries with everyone, including yourself. You make yourself available and accessible to others, but when it comes to giving yourself some time and attention, you’ve already run out of fuel. You began this cycle with the best intentions. You are a caring and kind person. You are empathic and compassionate and give your all to everything you do. However, these special qualities can become detrimental without the presence of healthy boundaries. In order to give, you must refuel yourself regularly. If you don’t, you may end up resenting those whom you are giving to, and you might experience other negative emotions as well.

I will help you better navigate your relationships and help improve communication with new skills and tools.

It is critical in your relationships for you to learn to feel okay with saying “no” without any guilt attached to it.

I can help you build the skills necessary to gain the confidence and assertiveness you need. Self-confidence, communication, and assertiveness will help you implement healthy boundaries with others. Having healthy boundaries creates that important line where you are there for others without sacrificing yourself and your needs. You can be of assistance to those you love. You can provide them with companionship and comfort and work hard for them, and you can do all of these things while maintaining your own quality of life. It is a balance you must learn to achieve. In therapy sessions, we can practice setting boundaries to achieve this balance by role playing and rehearsing various scenarios you come across in your relationships with others so you can learn how to say “no” without feeling like you’re letting others down. You can have far better relationships with your partner, your children, parents, friends, coworkers, and others by implementing boundaries so that you can set aside time for self-care — self-care without guilt.

I can guide you in building your self-awareness and insight so that you can recognize toxic people and situations. It is time to acknowledge your self-worth and your value. It is time to recognize that you are enough. Taking care of yourself will help you enjoy healthy and mutually loving relationships.  

It will take time to undo the habits and behaviors that have led you to play the roles you have fallen into in your relationships over the years. I can help you in this life-changing process of learning to prioritize yourself, your needs, and your happiness. Sometimes you have to walk the walk first; you have to implement the behaviors of the assertive and confident person you want to become. I can be your guide in learning and practicing these behaviors. With time, these behaviors become habits and then your habits become your new way of life – a life where you respect, love, and honor yourself as much as you do others.

All you have to do now is contact me for an appointment or request more information.