What is Emotional Incest?
Many of us grew up in households that were dysfunctional, where boundaries between parents and children were blurred in unhealthy ways. Emotional incest is not of a sexual nature, but it does describe unhealthy emotional interactions between adults and children that are psychologically inappropriate.
What this looks like in a real-life is a parent treating the child as a partner, relying on the child for emotional support and care. Here are some of the classic ways parents cross this line.
Asking a Child for Advice
When parents turn to their child for advice about marital issues, sexual problems, financial worries, etc., this blurs the boundaries and causes the child to feel anxiety because of the information the child should not be privy to. It is too much for a child to carry.
Ego Booster
Parents may look to their children to give them a much-needed ego boost. With the parent’s ego being a priority, the child’s emotional needs take a backseat.
BFF Syndrome
Parents should never be best friends with their children as this results in many boundaries being blurred. And a child should never be a trusted confidante to the parent.
Therapist
Parents that turn to their child for comfort during an emotional crisis rob the child of learning age-appropriate socialization. These children will, most likely, grow into codependent adults, seeking approval from others by taking care of others' emotional needs.
Emotional Incest Outcomes
Emotional incest is sometimes called “covert” incest because while it’s not sexual, the outcomes of this family dynamic are often similar.
Trouble setting healthy boundaries
Eating disorders
Self-harm
Low self-esteem
Sexual intimacy issues
Substance abuse/addiction
Obsessive/compulsive issues
Healing from Emotional Incest
When children grow up and leave the unhealthy environment and dynamic, that does not mean they won’t experience any lasting repercussions. Most adults will suffer from at least one of the outcomes listed above.
The good news is that through counseling, victims of emotional incest can heal and live a healthy and satisfying life filled with strong emotional connections.
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